Harbour

[Todd]

Hi Billy,

I'm unfamiliar with this form and can't speak directly to it (as to whether you've met the form requirements) . I realize that if I suggest cuts or changes they may be at odds with the form so please disregard when necessary.

Long winded start, here are some comments for you:

Our towering monuments; penile erections--great opening. It gets your attention, it's true, and it's evocative
raised, of stone and glass, all sails of imperfections--I take this to mean that like a sail rises up over a ship these monuments also rise up above us. Maybe a more evocative phrase than rises up, that billows perhaps
quartering shipwracked crews.--do you mean shipwrecked? I don't mind wracked from the standpoint of racked with pain, but it comes across like a mispelling (unless this is a US english versus UK again)
Fo'c'sled, faceless hid, behind a faux pas cliff face.--I'm not sure what Fo'c'sled is? Could just be me but the comma looks out of place after hid. I would expect it to be after faceless
Galley slaves that fear, scutter at an urgent pace,that fear feels like a bit of filler to me (imo). I think scutter at an urgent pace (which is good btw) and that they're slaves coveys fear
wear out their souls and shoes.--absolutely love the play on words here

Black winds breed and banshees blow between the pain;--this is where I wish it were free verse. I would love to kill the and and do are hard break after breed. That said I think you should kill the and anyway as black winds breed banshees is very, very cool. I'm not a big fan of the indistinct pain here. It could just be me
lash through holes of better seas to come, like hard rain
and heavy cannon shot.--I like the addition of this line pared against the hard rain
Pirates of a different kind lay waste and squall,
on ship and ship alike, across the inner sprawl--I like the s sounds here and the squall/sprawl rhyme
where men as men are not.--The last line feels a little cryptic and I like it.

Billy, I don't know if I'm fully getting the meaning. I hesitate to make suggestions knowing that there's a lot of form work behind this, but I think you should consider making at least the banshee line shift as it will be so much more interesting.

It's a cool poem that I'll continue to think about. I wanted to give you my initial thoughts. I may come back with more if I think of anything.

Best,

Todd