Thoughts of You

[billy]

thanks for your first poem purple,

some of our feedback may be a bit overpowering but if you bear with us,
i promise it will be to your advantage as far as writing poetry goes, as i know it was advantageous for me

i'll concentrate on imagery.
as leanne pointed out, this;
I jump as the cranes sing their songs
is a great image. it feels original and we can see it. the following;
You are my peaceful place,
All I have to do is imagine your face.
Who would have ever known,
That you would be the one for which I would long.
is what we call "tell," "tell" is where you speak about something without showing an image.

you have some imagery in the poem but work on changing some of the "tell" for the "show"
maybe work just one or two verse at a time till you get the hang of what people have said.

like leanne, i love the crane image. the theme of the poem is genuinely loving and works well.
looking forward to more of your work. great first post