The Explorers

[addy]

Wow, that's a great ad. I can see shades of that exhilarating hope in your poem.

the emptiness of this new world
I devised for you and I,
yet know not what awaits our tread
as we ascend the hills, mountains,
making love in streams, by trees,
washing, eating, laughing here,
tramping through the herbage there. I like this... reminds me of the innocence of adam and eve in eden.

oh lumbejack, my pioneer,
your muscles sinewy and lean,
hosting their own hillocks
through which our dopplegangers roam.
mirroring the sodomy
that has become our cakes and wine; lovely description of shadows, again heightening the romance and adventure of an "empty world". It's these lines and others like it that make me agree with AA, other than being just literal there's a sense of magic realism to it.

I would fight you, beat you, grope you,
love you again like faith renewed,
build fires then chant your name,
once the nymph of sleep has come just a small nit, it might be better without the "nymph" personification only because it will heighten the sense of being completely alone if there were no "god" either... but that's just a suggestion, and this works fine
and defeaned you to all life's songs...

mount you like a loyal steed,
fill you like an ale mug,
score the meadows with our love.

caress you on the browing grass,
then gather what supplies we have
as you prepare our daily route. I thought you could've ended the poem in a much stronger note... maybe you can retool this strophe, so you can end with the "browning grass" line which I think is much stronger. Or maybe just rephrase the last line to give it more punch.