Surreal

[Todd]

You could also just change your title to Smooth Jazz or Surreal Smooth Jazz.

Everything else is evocative:

Stormgreen glass
Notes elongnated
Frozen downbeat
The entire iambic moonlight section

I really like all of that.

So, maybe let the title do more work for you. Just a thought.

Best,

Todd

Wide ache, awakened.

Stormgreen glass
and smooth jazz,
notes elongated.

Frozen downbeat.

Bones of the sea arise,
orbiting naked
in iambic moonlight;

no longer fluently
paralyzed.