07-28-2011, 05:59 AM
The first person also makes an appearance at the end of the first verse ("To say I write from my gut"); would it help if I changed "I" and "my" to "we" and "our", and replace the "my"s in the first two lines of the second verse to "the"s?
I like your suggestion for the penultimate line. I'll make the edit in a mo.
Thanks for the feedback
I like your suggestion for the penultimate line. I'll make the edit in a mo.
Thanks for the feedback
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe