The Wet Spot

[ckeo]

Your shadow dancin, on my wall
chips and scars, where the headboard falls

Toil my belle, with drunken intention
i'm intensified, by your separation

You engulfed my bed, with moisted heat
now we're laying still, on love stained sheets.
~ck~

Two words stand out: "laying" (you lay bricks--you lie down)

"moisted" (moistened)

Beyond that, I know you have this picture in your head of this particular experience you wish to share, but it will not necessarily translate as easily to your readers without more effective visuals...not that I care for an explicit description mind you...I prefer the subtle approach myself.

Sid

You are right, lying would have been a better choice...
Moistened is what I thought I wrote.

I have to learn how much I need to reveal to make people understand it like I do... I dont like being overly explicit, I think a piece should make people think about it a little. Like a puzzle, once its solved, how often do you go back and do it over ? But thats just my preference, not everything has to be that way