07-25-2011, 08:45 PM
An excellent piece. The "negligee" refrain made me giggle like a public schoolboy who's just learned the meaning of the word
Thanks for teaching me a new word in "rondelet"
My only suggestion is that you change the semi-colon to a comma after "refrain" in the penultimate verse. By separating the conjunctions the rhythm is slightly jarred in my opinion. Other than that this is pitch perfect. For some reason it reminds me of Oscar Wilde and his theory regarding aesthetics, how beauty is the most important aspect in a poem.
Thanks for teaching me a new word in "rondelet"
My only suggestion is that you change the semi-colon to a comma after "refrain" in the penultimate verse. By separating the conjunctions the rhythm is slightly jarred in my opinion. Other than that this is pitch perfect. For some reason it reminds me of Oscar Wilde and his theory regarding aesthetics, how beauty is the most important aspect in a poem.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe