07-25-2011, 08:24 PM
The second stanza is the best. It blends semi-naturalistic speech with classical form perfectly. This line was my favourite: "can often hold their liquor like a can." An excellent simile.
The first stanza is good, though sometimes it seems as though cohesion has been sacrificed slightly in favour of the meter and rhyme. For instance, I'm not quite sure what these lines mean:
"Do sips of red Shiraz betray like blood,
or merely compensate if life is slight?"
How does blood "betray." I think I understand how Shiraz might "compensate." If life is boring it makes it more interesting?
That said, the first stanza also has a few great lines, such as: "and what of pride in men of stone and mud." That reads as though it could have been lifted straight from a pre-20th century poem.
Thanks for the read Bilbo
The first stanza is good, though sometimes it seems as though cohesion has been sacrificed slightly in favour of the meter and rhyme. For instance, I'm not quite sure what these lines mean:
"Do sips of red Shiraz betray like blood,
or merely compensate if life is slight?"
How does blood "betray." I think I understand how Shiraz might "compensate." If life is boring it makes it more interesting?
That said, the first stanza also has a few great lines, such as: "and what of pride in men of stone and mud." That reads as though it could have been lifted straight from a pre-20th century poem.
Thanks for the read Bilbo
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe