caffeinated

[Todd]

Hello Aish,

I haven't read any of the comments (so as not to be influenced on the first take. So if you've already addressed something I apologize for being repetitious). Here goes:

I do not have the heart for war,
yet peace finds restless feet...--Is the elipses necessary here? For me it interferes with the enjambment slightly, and I'm not sure if it adds much.
pacing on tacks--While I like the image and pacing works well with the title this line feels too abrupt and short when you read this out loud. It doesn't give the sense of pacing if that makes any sense. It could just be me, but I would consider pulling my sentry runs up to this line
my sentry runs circles of blood and elegant deceptions.
outdated, posted pictures of drawn lines,outdated and posted feels like one too many modifiers. Maybe cut posted
charcoal scrubbed clean beneath the smudges and antediluvian calm--I really like this line. I like the sense of the flood is coming but right now there is a sort of peace.
of spotless fingernails.

chalked sidewalks talk beneath the facade
of grass--again this short line feels too abrupt and choppy. Maybe pull "the facade" down to the beginning of this line. the facade of grass would sit really well as its own line.
as phone lines serve for memory,
overgrown and silent.--This entire strophe though is very visual and brooding. It might be my favorite in the poem

the windowpane still beckons,
precious little moonbeams rapping caffeine keys--another line break option: maybe break on rapping to emphasize the moonbeams' sound more. and start the next line with a "their caffeine keys"
as I type our story into bedtime ritual,--solid phrasing
tucking frayed edges in against the cold.

*novelty*
I shudder.

hindsight of the first admission,--good line
liquescent on the uncircumcised tongue--not a fan of liquescent. Possibly something simpler (hindsight is...of the uncircumcised tongue) though admittingly there's nothing wrong with the way you have it. It's probably just a style bias on my part
scraped and gasped into the midnight of staccato longing.--maybe one slight change here: "this midnight of staccato longing"

taptaptapping--makes me think of The Raven
lacing your message into DNA,
curling it as a ribbon upon scissor blades.[/b]--these two lines work really well. The image is great. The ribbon works with DNA on a few levels. Great writing[/b]

step away from the window...

...we are sowing the wind with bad seed,
with apathetic ire and retributions.--window and wind work well as a sort of echo. I don't really like the elipses here at all. I also think that ending on bad seed would be much stronger. It's a powerful image whereas apathetic ire and retributions just seems a bit too telling.

So now the disclaimer, use what you like and ignore the rest. I hope some of these comments will be helpful to you. I enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd