07-08-2011, 05:26 PM
Thank you very much for the critique and the kind words Billy - there were a lot of things I'd been thinking about the poem that you've confirmed here. I did find the meter constricting at times, so I wrote off a lot of of the imagery I wanted to use. I've never thought it flowed particularly well too, save for one or two lines. I won't be editing this as, after all, it's just an experiment to see how I coped with a rigid structure. Your critique is very much appreciated, I will take the ideas on board next time I try a similar poem.