06-24-2011, 09:15 AM
Ben Hur... right, that's out of the way 
I wonder if "innocent" might work instead of "unsuspecting"? I kind of like the idea of sullying someone like that... could be just me of course!
And perhaps "once the guilt subsided" or "departed".
I'd leave the last four lines as they are, I think they're excellent.
I wonder if "innocent" might work instead of "unsuspecting"? I kind of like the idea of sullying someone like that... could be just me of course!
And perhaps "once the guilt subsided" or "departed".
I'd leave the last four lines as they are, I think they're excellent.
It could be worse