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Who wants a bubble?
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06-19-2011, 11:34 AM
"It" and "is" are the wrong way around at the end of the first verse. Sometimes the rigorous attention to rhyme confuses the syntax a bit, but other than that this is a splendid, charmingly boyish and tender love poem, almost like a folk song in its gentle rhythms and pleasent sentiments. Good job Owen.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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| Messages In This Thread |
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Who wants a bubble? - by Owen1982 - 06-19-2011, 04:09 AM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by Leanne - 06-19-2011, 07:36 AM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by billy - 06-19-2011, 08:35 AM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by heslopian - 06-19-2011, 11:34 AM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by kath3 - 06-19-2011, 06:07 PM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by addy - 06-21-2011, 10:32 AM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by critical mass - 06-24-2011, 07:05 AM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by Owen1982 - 07-07-2011, 05:40 AM
RE: Who wants a bubble? - by billy - 07-07-2011, 08:09 AM
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