06-09-2011, 05:44 AM
hi MH
good to see your first poem.
it's a bit like posting a letter without an address otherwise.
for me it's needs one good image, i think what you have so far is well written. it feels you pose a question and to some extent answer it. we see you expel violence, which leads the reader to think you inhale peace.
as we do with carbon and oxygen.
thanks for the read.
good to see your first poem.
(06-09-2011, 04:33 AM)Jack_MH Wrote: Trauma… peace? A thousand different flicks,always try and put a tile to the poem.
Longing; I close my eyes.
Breathing in rhythmic deep,
exhaling violence
some would hate,
resist?
Not me
it's a bit like posting a letter without an address otherwise.
for me it's needs one good image, i think what you have so far is well written. it feels you pose a question and to some extent answer it. we see you expel violence, which leads the reader to think you inhale peace.
as we do with carbon and oxygen.
thanks for the read.