Icarus

[billy]

I fell from a great height feels a little cliché would it work better without 'a great height'
from air into water
plummeting
losing my breath in the rushing air
smashed into a neglectful cradling slow fall

horror is not sudden
it happens slowly
how many fathoms will I have to wait
until the water will hold my body? really like this verse.

horror happens slowly
the hope-lung gasps in reflex lungs gasp
for a while

you fell first
and I followed

horror happens slowly
a blossoming bruise
budding under skin i another good line

hi and welcome to the forum mroning tide,
lots to like about the piece, i like the re-iteration. of horror
though i'm not sure about the hypen between hope and lung.
personally i think it would made stronger with a couple of good images.
a small edit could turn it from okay to really very good, jmo.
disregard anything you don't find useful
thanks for the read.