04-22-2011, 04:30 AM
Except for the first comma, which I would remove as it makes for odd syntax, I can't see a thing wrong with this. Well maybe "summer, fickle summer" is a tad too poetical, as you would say, but it isn't a major problem. This poem reminds me of "Ode to Autumn" by John Keats. It evokes the same pleasent drowsiness in me. Good work Billy.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe