Amidst

[jadielue]

"How often is there a moment where you truly see
rest in someone's eyes? Twice, love, twice. Because
when you leave this world with the ferryman
your ever-loyal eyes flash two times, like the lens of an
immortal camera, the moment is captured but gone."

[heslopian]

I think you mean "an immortal camera." Other than that this is fucking excellent, as I've already told you. A quotable quote to stand tall through the onslaught of time.

[billy]

"How often is there a moment where you truly see
rest in someone's eyes? Twice, love, twice. Because is 'because' needed?
when you leave this world with the ferryman your would 'your' be better starting the next line?
ever-loyal eyes flash two times, like the lens of an
immortal camera, the moment is captured but gone."

for me it's an excellent poem, if i have a real nit, it's about enjambment.


"How often is there a moment where you truly see
rest in someone's eyes? Twice, love, twice. Because
when you leave this world with the ferryman
your ever-loyal eyes flash two times,
like the lens of an immortal camera,
the moment is captured but gone."

if you don't think it reads better then disregard it.
other than that bravo, certainly a publishable little piece. jmo
thanks for the read

[addy]

Wow, that is a fantastic image you've built your poem around. So unique and beautiful!

"How often is there a moment where you truly see
rest in someone's eyes? I like this sentence, but I think it can be trimmed down/clarified. Twice, love, twice. Because
when you leave this world with the ferryman your
ever-loyal eyes flash two times, like the lens of an
immortal camera, fantastic the moment is captured but gone."

[jadielue]

Thank you, Jack. I try, lol.

Billy, I appreciate your take on the "your" and things, I agree with the first part but I think that those words are necessary.

Addy, thank you also, glad you enjoyed it.