Life: The Utmost Clarity

[addy]

Writing an uplifting poem for someone... what a great gesture .

I see this is a much earlier poem of yours, so just take my comments with a grain of salt

Clearly life’s not perfect, but only in your sight. A bit awkward... only fully understood the line when I read on
A flower field in summer to a ritual knife at night. I like the juxtaposition, but struggle to divine the comparison
You cloud your sky with mystery,
cover yourself with large palm leaves
so we can’t see your body, flesh
(You made up not perfected)
Your countenance with beauty mesh
(That’s not what from me you expected.) Awkward phrasing
And even though you never know,
I’ll tell you, little one:
So very long your life’ll go,
(A hundred billion burning suns.) I like this perspective on "immortality". Beautiful line. I almost wish you'd saved this as a later line, as it coincides with the "circle of life, we are one" idea that comes later.

I know that things get sad sometimes,
You’re pulled down by the sin.
Just smile and think of happy days
and still keep up your chin
to will yourself that you may see
Those happy days to come.
Embrace the circle, life it is
to find out where you’re from. Feels a little flat
We are all together to meet the status quo. The cadence stutters here, imo
The end’s the same for all of us, no matter how we go.
So take the warrior path of heart that to yourself be true.
It’ll take you to the better part. You’ll be more happy, too.
But, if you let the sound you guide grate sour on your soul,
you pass right back your parking pass, and drive right past your goal. Not the strongest ending

You have good ideas here, to be sure, but in my opinion I don't think you arranged them correctly to be the most effective narrative. For instance, you ended at in a rather incidental line when you had such impactful lines before that that were more in the spirit of your life-affirming message. You have the elements here, just arrange your ideas so they unfold more beautifully