Mystery

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback Billy. I don't like this one very much, mostly because I find it too bloated at times and too thin at others. I'm a bit confused by your critique of the opening line of the second verse. Without the "were" the line would read like so: "Dotted among them orange segments", and so it wouldn't make sense. Regarding the "the" before "homeowners", the narrator is referring specifically to the owners of the house he passed, not homeowners in general. I agree with you about the "So" in the third and the "and" in the final verse. I'll remove them once I've finished this.