On Regaining Consciousness After Being Knocked Out

[billy]

The eyes didn’t dance like butterflies. It always confuses me when a writer says something isn't like something else without then revealing the real simile. Why bother saying it if it isn't true? Would the line make more sense as a couplet like so:

i thought;
[b]Vacant they showed an empty room was the 2nd part of the simile? though it could have been rooms and not room.

i'll do a quick edit on most of your other points..
nice crit jack, thanks, for it and the kind words.