03-12-2011, 06:17 AM
sorry i too so long getting to the poetry, got caught up with the japanese disaster 
now the good points for me;
i found it to be a great POV poem the poet tells us he's depressive and indirectly that as well as having a love of poetry it helps him cope. he points out some the feelings he has outside poetry and mixes them with his want or need to write in such a way as to be good at the craft he's chosen. he sees how others use poetry maybe as a crutch and wants not to be classed as the same. though his low self esteem ponders the the thought.
for me i's a write full of insight and trepidation, in places it feels a little blasé but those parts work for me this is a poem about the inner self of the writer, either fact or fiction, it makes no matter. it creates a person that be can be felt and to some extent understood (in part) it has a bit of all of us in it. it's about hope aspiration, fear of failure.
i enjoyed the read of it very much.
the narrative you bring to a poem is something special i think.
will reply to the other poems after shopping.
(03-11-2011, 09:35 AM)Heslopian Wrote: Sex and death are what occupy us.my only nit is the ess lines, because the rest of the poem is either non or slant rhyme, the ess lines really really stick out, for me the fact the do takes something from the rest of the poem, they make me forget the good structure of it and make me think of ess. just the ess rhyme.
Our sadness is the sadness of the young.
We do not think with bitterness.
Bitterness is accrued like experience. great line
(Maybe they are one and the same.)
What we have is straightforward anger.
Melancholia like a disease.
A rash with no root staining the flesh. another good line
The skin pillow our mother's pinched.
I'm not a poet because I'm depressed.
Nor am I depressed because I write verse.
Life is a series of coincidences.
Many among us will abandon our pens.
Transcend the arrogance of youth.
(It was only a way of filling the time.)
Others will balance talent and content.
Work and write and die in happiness.
Maybe achieve that real bitterness.
Earn the right to world weariness.
A few will never escape the sadness. the 4 ess's for me could have been broken up in different parts of the poem.
Like those who stay thirteen forever.
Now and again they'll still produce.
Subsisting on a routine of medication.
Until they leave as delayed suicides. like this line a lot
I hope I'll belong to the second section.
But I would make do with the first.
I fear that I am destined for the third.
now the good points for me;
i found it to be a great POV poem the poet tells us he's depressive and indirectly that as well as having a love of poetry it helps him cope. he points out some the feelings he has outside poetry and mixes them with his want or need to write in such a way as to be good at the craft he's chosen. he sees how others use poetry maybe as a crutch and wants not to be classed as the same. though his low self esteem ponders the the thought.
for me i's a write full of insight and trepidation, in places it feels a little blasé but those parts work for me this is a poem about the inner self of the writer, either fact or fiction, it makes no matter. it creates a person that be can be felt and to some extent understood (in part) it has a bit of all of us in it. it's about hope aspiration, fear of failure.
i enjoyed the read of it very much.
the narrative you bring to a poem is something special i think.
will reply to the other poems after shopping.