03-07-2011, 12:16 PM
the repetition of shards didn't work for me.
the only line that threw me was L3. i couldn't
work out what it had to do with food.
the couplet didn't work too well for me though the end line did.
loved the last 4 lines of the 1st verse. the images feel strong.
all in a ll a good write with a couple of nits. thanks for the read jack.
the only line that threw me was L3. i couldn't
work out what it had to do with food.
the couplet didn't work too well for me though the end line did.
loved the last 4 lines of the 1st verse. the images feel strong.
all in a ll a good write with a couple of nits. thanks for the read jack.