Poem

[billy]

passing the club on my way to the shops,
as evening grew up into night,
I heard a swell of club music, is the reiteration of club needed?
pouring past white mangy blinds

through which could be glimpsed arcade machines, could 'and' replace 'through which could be'?
some scattered faces, more empty tables,
like the end of a wedding disco.
a sandwich board outside advertised

generic young hunks in crumpled photos,
beneath the scrawled words "ladies night."
the cuboid structure, blank and silent
like a box of nails, reminded me of

the holiday camps my Gran took me to as a kid. is 'the' needed?
I considered this thought as I strolled aimlessly.

i think this is a winner jack. it reminds me of the film "the full monty"
i think it's builds up really well in to a solid piece of imagery. for me it also has that small town feel to it. like somewhere i know. nicely done Jack.
for me some very minor edits would make it sparkle.
thanks for the read as always.