02-03-2011, 11:25 PM
Powerful poem, Lawrence. Great evocation of evil, terror--and I like the way the piece opens with some blame towards the authorities. What makes the poem even darker is that the child is an adult now, or near adult age--assuming the child was 2 or 3 at the time of the kidnapping--even if the child was snatched while an infant, he is a teenager now but has only known fear and terror from the old man, this in itself makes it even more terrifying.
I have very little criticism to offer other than praise; however, I don't like featureless face--everyone has features--wrinkled face, pock-marked, even unshaven and bearded, I think, would have worked. Or I can imagine the eyes of the old man. Also, I don't think you need the last lines--the fear and terror have already been established so powerfully already. Making him an old man from stranger did improve the poem too--silver smoke image was wonderful. And I would use something else other than spectre--just a personal taste thing here, makes me think of James Bond movies. All in all a wonderful, albeit frightening piece. Spooky, and oh, so dark conjures up Poe to me--jim
I have very little criticism to offer other than praise; however, I don't like featureless face--everyone has features--wrinkled face, pock-marked, even unshaven and bearded, I think, would have worked. Or I can imagine the eyes of the old man. Also, I don't think you need the last lines--the fear and terror have already been established so powerfully already. Making him an old man from stranger did improve the poem too--silver smoke image was wonderful. And I would use something else other than spectre--just a personal taste thing here, makes me think of James Bond movies. All in all a wonderful, albeit frightening piece. Spooky, and oh, so dark conjures up Poe to me--jim