Hi Jack,
This has a nice stark almost Bukowski feel to it. No real nits. The only thing I thought about that might be fun to add is after "in a swirl of cliches,"
actually cliches (hearts, souls, shards, blah blah blah). If you did it right it could really work.
Maybe just an odd thought, but it felt like it might work well here.
Cool Poem.
Best,
Todd
This has a nice stark almost Bukowski feel to it. No real nits. The only thing I thought about that might be fun to add is after "in a swirl of cliches,"
actually cliches (hearts, souls, shards, blah blah blah). If you did it right it could really work.
Maybe just an odd thought, but it felt like it might work well here.
Cool Poem.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson