01-18-2011, 01:37 PM
Lovely, lovely poem. As billy said, it has a nice pondersome feel, and I loved how you looped it back at the end.
imo, there's something something about the first two lines that seem a little weaker than the rest ("parade of cliche", though not a better line enjambment-wise, is less cliche LOL
... so something like that). Just a suggestion, but this works nicely as is. Well done!
imo, there's something something about the first two lines that seem a little weaker than the rest ("parade of cliche", though not a better line enjambment-wise, is less cliche LOL
... so something like that). Just a suggestion, but this works nicely as is. Well done!
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?