Routes

[billy]

Here I am lost
in a swirl of cliches,
as I stare through would it work better as; 'as i stare'
the window of the bus, through condensation
through condensation and hand prints
and hand prints on the window of the bus
to see shoppers, the homeless, why not place 'the homeless on it's own line and make it a list?
the mentally ill,
the station workers
and the lovestruck students,
following their own transient and route; transient is 'passing quickly', route is 'a common path or way'. would these two lines read better as
transients following
their own routes
transient routes,
making stops, breaking down,
picking up passengers,
before finally stopping
beneath a shelter, what kind of shelter maybe 'terminal' or something else
never able to return,
to turn the thing around
and drive all the way back,
to here, where we started,
where the bus departed,
with me staring
through the window at them.

i get the feel of the poem. (i'm a people watcher) it's a plain poem but one i can relate to. i think it needs a small edit but nothing major. its strength lies in its simplicity. i wonder if there's such a thing as a 'a ponder poem' if so then this would be a great one.

thanks for the read jack.