What we Want to Be
#2
(12-27-2010, 11:32 AM)Lawrence Wrote:  Every day, we’re all what we want to be,
In every circumstance
-Except one.

Just last week, as I faced the mirror
Struggling with vampire’s teeth
My grandmother caught her cape
In a closing door, and rolled down
The kitchen stairs like a bowling ball,
Breaking every bone and body part
That still worked in her.

After a brief burial, I gazed
At the superhero outfit she perished in
As mother wept behind her Scream mask
And father stood silently, stroking
His Hagrid’s hair and dirty beard.

“It’s a shame she just missed
Her favorite holiday” Father says.
The one where, the night before
Candy stores turn into ant colonies
And pumpkins are hallowed out; carved
Twisted faces like tortured souls are making in hell.
feels awkward to me

The one where I wake up
Wearing khaki pants and a T-shirt
To father sipping coffee in a suit and tie
And mother in sweatpants, cleaning the dishes
Massaging her naked hands.

"What a strange holiday" these two lines feel forced
I think
not sure if the opening bylines work for me. other than that i really enjoyed the read. lots of good lines, lots of imagery. and it works. the title doesn't feel great but it does work. i have read it a few times. and will read it again later to see if i can give a more constructive feedback.
thanks for posting the poem lawrence.

Reply


Messages In This Thread
What we Want to Be - by Lawrence - 12-27-2010, 11:32 AM
RE: What we Want to Be - by billy - 12-28-2010, 12:40 PM
RE: What we Want to Be - by heslopian - 12-29-2010, 04:48 AM
RE: What we Want to Be - by Todd - 12-29-2010, 06:09 AM



Users browsing this thread: 2 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!