Earliest Memory

[heslopian]

i thought the first line cliche...tile i read the second line. the 1st couplet works well.

the 2nd couplet is for me excellent.

if i have a real nit its the 3rd couplet, for me it feels a little too forced and overly poetical.

again i really like the 4th couplet, i get a feel of hells angels and it amuses me, though amusement probably wasn't your intention.

the 5th couplet for me needs beefing up. it feels a little weak.

the last two couplets work well.
nicely done jack, a few nits for me but nothing major.
all in all, a good write.

Thank you for your feedback, Billy I'll try and use all the suggestions you made. As a sidenote, I was going for humour in the fourth couplet, but only in my weird, oblique definition of the word "humour"
As for the fifth couplet, I did intend that to be stronger than it was, but all my alternatives made the sentence too long. I agree it needs some beefing up; I'll have a think about how I can improve it later.