Written Whilst Eating at a College Cafe
#6
(11-17-2010, 06:11 AM)Heslopian Wrote:  Tall and blond, my Aryan prince, [I love the use of 'Aryan' because it also tells us he's blue eyed without having to say it.]
two legs like beanstalks reaching[ I adored the word 'reaching' because it put the image in my head of a child holding onto a parents leg trying to get their own way and that's witty because it makes the man seem older.]
the throne of his buttocks.
Leaning over my chilli supper, [If this line refers to lunch at college I don't think 'supper' works. You're looking for a clever line and I can see that but I don't think that word works.]
American "fries" and garlic bread.
Self-pity, as warm and familiar
as an Agatha Christie novel, [ This reference was really well chosen though I appreciate all references to outside matter because it shows knowledge.]
settles on my stomach like indigestion,
that classic pain which all depressives know.
Nobody wants to fuck a fatty,
especially not cute Russian boys.
Anne Sexton, I love ya, but baby
you were wrong. When you wrote that
"No one's alone," you lied. Though
maybe without intention. [The last two lines really spoke to me. It's something I can totally relate on, that slight bitterness it what makes this piece not only spot perfect but worldly.]
I adored the fact in this piece that you go into full detail of the person you're looking at without being clean cut about it in typical descriptions so this piece read really well. Thanks for the read. Well done.

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Messages In This Thread
RE: Written Whilst Eating at a College Cafe - by Lawrence - 11-17-2010, 02:10 PM
RE: Written Whilst Eating at a College Cafe - by LiteraryAntiquity - 11-21-2010, 01:30 AM



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