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ALiteraryFailurePiece.
Oh, how I love you, sweet cocaine!
You're far better than Shania Twain
Chop, slice, with a credit card,
so any feeling I can discard.
Chop, slice, as an art,
before my brain falls apart.
Lower, sniff, it takes the Nick.
The drip tastes like three-day-old sick.
Lower, sniff, hide the feeling,
I am struggling to keep concealing.
Breath, swallow, so not to spew,
with a plan to take another or a few.
Breath, swallow, it's all okay.
What was that thought anyway?
Far away, smiling, there are little stars,
shining on your retinas like white, work cars.
Far away, smiling, you can't let it enter your head,
or this trip you will live to regret.
Screeching, drowning, beneath a crystal puff,
you only did it because times were rough.
Screeching, drowning, just one more,
you're sniffing the final dust from the floor.
Oh, how I love you, sweet cocaine!
I'm far more comfortable when you drive me insane.
Posts: 1,548
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A lot of great dark comedy here; the opening couplet made me laugh, and displays a sophisticated wit. The "cars" simile was inventive, though I'm not sure you need the "little" prefix. The rhyme scheme sounds contrived at times, but I don't think that that's a bad thing; this reads like an intelligent, perceptive parody of substance abuse literature, and that gives you top marks for sheer uniqueness alone.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Posts: 45
Threads: 25
Joined: Nov 2010
(11-21-2010, 03:14 AM)Heslopian Wrote: A lot of great dark comedy here; the opening couplet made me laugh, and displays a sophisticated wit. The "cars" simile was inventive, though I'm not sure you need the "little" prefix. The rhyme scheme sounds contrived at times, but I don't think that that's a bad thing; this reads like an intelligent, perceptive parody of substance abuse literature, and that give you top marks for sheer uniqueness alone.
Thank you, Heslopian! I was in a rather dark place when I wrote this piece. I'm glad you liked it, I've edited it to white, work cars as the car I am referring to is my ex's work car that he used to pick me up in and I always use to listen to Shania Twain when it got me down. Thanks again.
Literary Failure.
