11-20-2010, 01:37 PM
Thank you for your critique, Touchstone
I wasn't sure about the Mexican village, either, when juxtaposed against the rain. I can't remember why I didn't change it to "Third World" as I was planning to, and as such I'll change it once I've finished this.
I understand your other criticisms, like the incongruous mix of English decadence and Mexico, but this is an extended metaphor; it isn't supposed to make literal sense; it's more about symbolism. Basically, coherence wasn't my aim here; I know that sounds like a shitty excuse for obscure banality, and it may well be haha. I think I might change the word "retains" though, as I think it implies that the village is English, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for complimenting the phrases, and again for your feedback
I wasn't sure about the Mexican village, either, when juxtaposed against the rain. I can't remember why I didn't change it to "Third World" as I was planning to, and as such I'll change it once I've finished this.
I understand your other criticisms, like the incongruous mix of English decadence and Mexico, but this is an extended metaphor; it isn't supposed to make literal sense; it's more about symbolism. Basically, coherence wasn't my aim here; I know that sounds like a shitty excuse for obscure banality, and it may well be haha. I think I might change the word "retains" though, as I think it implies that the village is English, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for complimenting the phrases, and again for your feedback
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe