11-19-2010, 03:24 AM
lol.
it reads much better
my feedback here would be to go over the syntax,
ie; making us pay, pay, pay,
and,
blood, running down my thigh
and few solid images, a small edit is you need to strengthen it and make it
a more powerfull piece.
thanks for the read as always LF
it reads much better
my feedback here would be to go over the syntax,
ie; making us pay, pay, pay,
and,
blood, running down my thigh
and few solid images, a small edit is you need to strengthen it and make it
a more powerfull piece.
thanks for the read as always LF