11-09-2010, 10:12 AM
Thanks for the kind words and feedback, Billy
I think the poem looks fine how it is, so I won't space it out after all. Would the bit you mentioned work better if I placed "I bet" after "public schools," and "she has" before "trouble"? I established the rhythm for this piece by beginning several sentences with two stressed syllables, but I got a tad confused at that point, and therefore I jammed them together like that.
I think the poem looks fine how it is, so I won't space it out after all. Would the bit you mentioned work better if I placed "I bet" after "public schools," and "she has" before "trouble"? I established the rhythm for this piece by beginning several sentences with two stressed syllables, but I got a tad confused at that point, and therefore I jammed them together like that.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe