11-02-2010, 09:03 PM
(11-02-2010, 10:17 AM)billy Wrote: can't add anything to Todd's feed back. that mangle, broken radio didn't work flow wise for me either."Mangled, broken radio" sounds an interesting alternative, but as it has the same amount of syllables as the original line, would it really affect the rhythm? I think I'll do an edit though, just because I like that phrase.
other than that i thought it was perfect jack.
there wasn't a part i didn't enjoy. it was so easy to read
thanks for the read as always.
i won't say;
"would 'that mangled, broken radio' work"
Thanks for your kind feedback, Billy, it means a lot to me
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe