What A Sight. By William Marsland.
#2
Great work as usual billy. And once again, you've forced me to expand my vocabulary LOL Big Grin

Not much I can correct, really:

(07-05-2010, 02:13 PM)billy Wrote:  This vantage point on craggy tor
atop resplendent scenery the word "scenery" isn't bad, but it's obvious compared to the other words you used. Be more creative with this line
fits my stance as heaven’s throne.
Its presence bids my sight
be overwhelmed;
whilst sitting in repose
as to horizon
Mother Earth unfolds.

Broad winding water
stretched below, cuts a swathe.
Flecks of rainbows dance
downward, onward fleeing
to a fluid jewel;
a mirrored plain of
shattered blinding light. I like the fact that you only mentioned water once, and even if we're still "looking" at water all the imagery is about the play of light.

Golden-headed soldiers
throng valley’s rolling slopes.
Commandeered in silent reveille
by nature’s call to arms
attuned as if to whispered word
whilst marching in the breeze. Loved these lines
Heather carpets
hug the feet of giant firs;
canopied in hats of verdigris.
Supple limbs half clothed
in spikes of emerald green.

Flanking
white sheeted panjandrums
bear witness to the secret vale;
harsh, self-important by themselves "self-important by themselves" sounds awkward to me, maybe because of the repetition of self. Easy enough to rewrite this Smile
they rise majestic, comely crowned.
Their alabaster collarets
receiving touch of heaven’s kiss
upon their moistened brows. Liked this last line. Very deft.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Messages In This Thread
What A Sight. By William Marsland. - by billy - 07-05-2010, 02:13 PM
RE: What A Sight. By William Marsland. - by addy - 07-06-2010, 02:02 PM
RE: What A Sight. By William Marsland. - by billy - 07-09-2010, 09:38 AM



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