Blind

[Loveblind]

I guess I was an average chick
Since, I dealt with an average dude like yourself
only because I was infatuated with the thought
of having someone there to take away the
insufficient planted in my veins

And I was eager to avoid becoming
apart of the single black female statistics
So, I swallowed your vulgar words and
ignored your constant physical threats
Even though, it made my stomach empty

All this because I didn't want to
go to bed and wake up alone
yet, deep down I was alone

I began to feed into your lies
and your manipulated motives
which fucked me up in the head even more
misery loves company and we were both
enjoying each other

I became addicted and obsessed with false love
despite, my intuition told me something else
even when I tried to escape
it's like you trapped me to stay and deal
with more months of pain

Now, I`m left with scar of memories
and offensive words that shouts in my head
every other second and all i see is images
of your face - eating alive my soul
piece by piece

[billy]

I guess I was an average chick
Since, I dealt with an average dude like yourself
only because I was infatuated with the thought
of having someone there to take away the
insufficient planted in my veins

i really like the 1st verse specially the last line of it.

And I was eager to avoid becoming is and needed?
apart of the single black female statistics a part not apart
So, I swallowed your vulgar words and no comma after so, is and needed?
ignored your constant physical threats
Even though, it made my stomach empty

again another decent verse

All this because I didn't want to
go to bed and wake up alone
yet, deep down I was alone

not sure if the triolet is needed.

I began to feed into your lies
and your manipulated motives
which fucked me up in the head even more
misery loves company and we were both
enjoying each other

the last two lines are cliche and cheesy for me.

I became addicted and obsessed with false love
despite, my intuition told me something else no comma, telling not told
even when I tried to escape
it's like you trapped me to stay and deal is "it's like" needed?
with more months of pain

Now, I`m left with scar of memories no comma,scars or the scar
and offensive words that shouts in my head is and needed, shout
every other second and all i see is images
of your face - eating alive my soul no need for the -
piece by piece

all in all i liked the poem. for me the enjambment needs a tweak

IE.;

Now I`m left
with scars for memories
offensive words that shout in my head
all i see are images of your face
eating alive my soul
piece by piece

i did a little cut and chop but added nothing but "images"

Thanks for the read LB.

personally i think your poetry is improving

[addy]

I like this poem of yours, LB. It's got... I don't know how to put it. Personality? Anyway, it reads a little different, which I like.

I guess I was an average chick
Since, no need for comma I dealt with an average dude like yourself
only because I was infatuated with the thought
of having someone there to take away the
insufficient planted in my veins

And I was eager to avoid becoming
apart of the single black female statistics
So, I swallowed your vulgar words and
ignored your constant physical threats
Even though, no need for comma it made my stomach empty I think it would be more interesting if you heightened the parallel between "swallowing words" and your "empty stomach" by putting those lines closer together.

All this because I didn't want to
go to bed and wake up alone
yet, deep down I was alone

I began to feed into your lies
and your manipulated "manipulating?" motives
which fucked me up in the head even more
misery loves company and we were both
enjoying each other

I became addicted and obsessed with false love "addicted" and "obsessed" mean very similar things in this context, so you can either drop one or replace it
despite, my intuition told me something else
even when I tried to escape
it's like you trapped me to stay and deal
with more months of pain

Now, I`m left with scar of memories
and offensive words that shouts in my head
every other second and all i see is images
of your face - eating alive my soul don't think you need to qualify soul as "alive"
piece by piece

[Loveblind]

Thanks you guys, I really appreciate it. This actually is about a relationship I had with a guy.