On Skydiving

[alonso ramoran]

Hey matsuno,

Astute and concise. I think you can shorten further, with the effect of punching up how some lines land---shown below.

On Skydiving

Every day I wake up
feeling grateful "feeling" can be removed here, then this line can be compressed to "grateful I'm not rich"
I’m not rich

because i think this can be omitted, with nothing lost

this means I have no risk "this means" in a poem this short leaves a bit more to be desired. it softens the line i think. i'd experiment with more punchier phrasing, maybe finding another way to bridge this clause to the previous clause
of dying
just because this line is another reason i argue for the omission of the previous line isolation of "because".

I’m bored

Nice to read you again!