09-24-2026, 03:18 AM
It’s a nice poem and I’m sorry the author didn’t get a single crit when it was posted. It’s possible that most of the members were taking a break at that time.
“ I'll wear your teeth as strings of pearls” is lovely. Less dangerous maiden and more an Ice Age 4 monster
The rhymes in the “Drown Drown refrain” are the weak point. Especially a line like “you belong to me”. This portion does read a bit like doggerel, though not terribly so. The idea of the refrain is good, but the execution is not at the same standard as the main body of the poem.
“ I'll wear your teeth as strings of pearls” is lovely. Less dangerous maiden and more an Ice Age 4 monster
The rhymes in the “Drown Drown refrain” are the weak point. Especially a line like “you belong to me”. This portion does read a bit like doggerel, though not terribly so. The idea of the refrain is good, but the execution is not at the same standard as the main body of the poem.