Spring

[Deor Ana Log]

Spring

Death is everywhere. an opening that requires justification to pull off - I think you do it a 7/10
The running does no good. a line break here would enhance the reading experience
A mother holds a baby to her breast,
in twenty years
he wraps his grown-up hands around her neck I wonder what leads to this; is it meaphorical?
and wrings it like a rag. He likes the way it feels
to feel the life exit her body, how she looks at him this has inspired a poem I will write
with tenderness
that almost makes him stop.

Men exist to kill. We practice While I don't agree, I respect your assertation
every morning, kiss the only living thing we love
then put it in the ground. In Kansas,
there's a field of grain that stretches out so endlessly
you'd think the rain kept falling 
even when the sun was out. Under every tree, a grave is this the mothers grave?
no one will ever recognize polarized statement, and too much so
lifts up another daffodil
to have its head cut off. you could say strangled to connect it back to the other stanza

This piece inspired me, while I don't know if it was on purpose, it did nonetheless. Briefly, it is overall solid but needs its story fleshed out or cut down. Thanks for sharing!