The sun round like a bun

[busker]

I see the sun
Round like a bun
O I’m having fun
While the sun is on the run. This Mon 
day. This Tuesday. Every day 
even unto the end of days when the fire is a hand’s breadth away, and the dead in graves are sexless and all the Qurans textless.
Prepare
everyone.

[opal.zzz]

I'll admit I'm having trouble making sense of this but there's something unique about it. It starts as this Dr Suess / Shel Silverstein-esque childlike rhyming, and ends with a foreboding prophecy about the end of the world. If it's meant to be funny/jarring I'd say it's somewhat effective. If not, I'm not sure how the first few lines serve the ending. My favorite phrase here is "all the Qurans textless." The concept of religious text disappearing as a representation of abandoning all hope is cool. I would say the piece needs a bit of work on cohesion, specificity, and intention. What exactly are you trying to communicate/evoke in the reader?

Thanks for sharing. I feel significantly more prepared for... whatever is about to happen.

[matsunosuperfan]

I see the sun
Round like a bun
O I’m having fun
While the sun is on the run. This Mon 
day. This Tuesday. Every day 
even unto the end of days when the fire is a hand’s breadth away, and the dead in graves are sexless and all the Qurans textless.
Prepare
everyone.

I like opal's notes. I can't seem to reconcile the end with the beginning here. Yeah at first it feels undeniably silly string vibes, if not without an undertone of mania/desperation. Nice how "round like a bun" can describe either the sun, or the "I." 

"This Mon" is SO cheeky that I'm like okay, we're JUST being silly string. And then half a breath later we get "even unto the end of days when the fire is a hand's breadth away." 

Now I am a fan of mixing registers but I feel this is just asking too much of the reader. How are we to parse the tone here? It seems to be asking for "lofty and earnest" but I just can't get there so immediately after putting my mind in the Willy Wonka blender, as the first 4 lines seem to so strongly suggest. 

"Prepare / everyone" is another clever ambiguity. 

I am pretty convinced that the poem/speaker/poet are all very clever. Beyond that, I am a bit at a loss for sensibility. 

Feels like this should be longer, IMO. But an interesting seed for sure. Caught my attention.

[busker]

Thanks, Matsun, opal.
@matsun - this is as you observe not really that well developed or properly crafted. I wanted to have a point counterpoint type thing going and this is the result

@opal - thanks for reading and commenting. The Quran bit refers to the Quranic prophecy that on the day of judgement all the pages of all the Qurans in the world will suddenly go blank.

[matsunosuperfan]

Round like a bun
I see the sun

While he's on the run
Oh, so much fun  

The dead are sexless
The Quran textless 

The fire a hand's breadth--
Prepare, everyone

[busker]

Round like a bun
I see the sun

While he's on the run
Oh, so much fun  

The dead are sexless
The Quran textless 

The fire a hand's breadth--
Prepare, everyone

I like this

[matsunosuperfan]

Round like a bun
I see the sun

While he's on the run
Oh, so much fun  

The dead are sexless
The Quran textless 

The fire a hand's breadth--
Prepare, everyone

I like this

jegshamesh, great success