Spring
#2
As usual you got some good imagery, but what seems like a lot of fluff, forgive the rewrite but it's just what I imagine tightened up a bit, you probably don't have to cut it down to haiku , I'm just pointing out fluff, thanks for posting


(Yesterday, 12:19 PM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  Spring



A mother holds a baby to her breast,
he wraps his grown-up hands around her neck
and wrings it like a rag. He likes
to feel the life exit her body, how she looks
with tenderness -
almost makes him stop.

Every morning, we kiss what we love,
to bury it. In Kansas there's a field of grain 
that stretches out so endlessly this part sings to me
you'd think the rain kept falling with this part
even when the sun is out. 
Under every tree, a grave
lifts up a daffodil
to have its head cut off.

Running, death is everywhere.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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Messages In This Thread
Spring - by matsunosuperfan - Yesterday, 12:19 PM
RE: Spring - by CRNDLSM - Today, 05:35 AM
RE: Spring - by busker - Today, 05:50 AM
RE: Spring - by Deor Ana Log - Today, 05:52 AM



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