Die-Cut

[wasellajam]

Hi, duke!

Die-Cut


Life is made of puzzle pieces–
some events, new thoughts about them, Possibly "past" instead of "some", for its balance with "new".
memories of things that happened, I'd like something other than "memories".
schemes and dreams that never did.

As each die-cut shape flips over,
future gray to brilliant present,
there’s a moment to consider
where to place it in the past.
Strong lines.

Sometimes it’s a straight-edged border
or a corner setting limits;
mostly it will join a pile, once
judged by color, image, kind.
I could go for a paring down like:
The straight-edged border
or corner setting (or "sets") limits;
most join a pile once judged
by color, image, kind.


Then, with many upward-facing, possibly "fragments" instead of "many", something for more interest in sonics and meaning.
understanding, meaning, slowly again, maybe something more novel here.
forms but gaps remain, demanding
search among bits pushed aside.

Often missing pieces turn out
to be, not still face-down, waiting, I'm not sure if this means waiting or not waiting.
but a person met, discarded,
for her color or his shape.
Quite the turn here, sharpens the subject to active choices.

In the end, some puzzle-solvers
know beforehand what their final
panorama will portray: they
saw the box-top, read the Book.
Strong lines.

Others will delay that closing
recognition of the picture
they’ve assembled, but it finds them
for no life ends incomplete.
I'm okay with the idea here but the phrasing of the last line is cliche. I might be okay with just "nonetheless".

I think there may be an idea trying to get out here, but this version seems clunky and unsatisfactory.  Advice would be appreciated.

An interesting read. Possibly a little  more reach for bits of metaphor within the metaphor might help. It suffers from a bit of a drone (not in meter but in language) instead of the chaotic feel of shaking the puzzle box.  Thanks for posting it.

Yes the drone is really holding this one back right now. Your comment made me reread again: I noticed almost every stanza follows the same structure. There's lots of enjambment but it doesn't really help break the monotony, as even that effect is used in consistently parallel ways. Shake the box sounds like great advice

I have full confidence that the poem can work within whatever form duke chooses to write in. My paring down notes are meant as suggestions to be edited into the form. It is the language and thought path I’d edit if it was mine, the fun challenge of puzzling within form and/or meter and suitable for this poem, imo. We all know poems that soar within guidelines, worth it when it works.