Loss (edit)
#6
(07-20-2026, 10:15 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  Loss

Imagine the sorrow
to lose those words
gifted by the idle mind
to bring life again
when the shadow fell
over my shoulder, to feel
how willing I was
mistaking the change in light she might have made
for maybe a cloud’s passing or nothing
more than a lapse in the workings
of my hands as I tend the flowers.


I’ve forgotten most of it
except how I wanted you,
the reader, to feel when the shadow fell
over my shoulder, to know my sudden startle
mistaking the change in light she might have made
for maybe a cloud’s passing or nothing
more than a lapse in the workings
of my hands as I tend the flowers.
idle mind and shadow fell are both cliche.  Probably lose the words as well

I think the strength of the poem lies in the mourning the loss of words (Duke wrote one recently that is quite good and sidesteps using the cliche)  and the hands tending flowers
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Messages In This Thread
Loss (edit) - by brynmawr1 - 07-20-2026, 10:15 AM
RE: Loss - by etherealidyll - 07-20-2026, 11:21 AM
RE: Loss - by matsunosuperfan - 07-21-2026, 10:43 AM
RE: Loss - by busker - 07-21-2026, 12:40 PM
RE: Loss (edit) - by brynmawr1 - 07-29-2026, 06:56 AM
RE: Loss (edit) - by milo - 07-29-2026, 02:06 PM



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