04-08-2026, 09:17 AM
I love the panicky & erratic feel of the poem, I think the form really helps highlight that, although, it does feel a bit top-heavy would it be possible
to re-arrange the text a bit?
I feel like you could do without the 3rd line, it sounds a bit repetitive to me & doesn't add much to the poem
I really love the image of the 'plagued Nile' and everything that comes after but I do feel that line(8) needs to be reworked (or removed) to do justice to the image
could you use another word instead of bucket? It feels jarringly mundane compared to the rest of the poem
Then maybe remove 'bright red' in the last line, I don't think it really adds anything.
all-in-all pretty good I think. Feel free to take my criticism with a grain of salt, it's all my personal opinion and I haven't been writing for all that long either
to re-arrange the text a bit?
I feel like you could do without the 3rd line, it sounds a bit repetitive to me & doesn't add much to the poem
I really love the image of the 'plagued Nile' and everything that comes after but I do feel that line(8) needs to be reworked (or removed) to do justice to the image
could you use another word instead of bucket? It feels jarringly mundane compared to the rest of the poem
Then maybe remove 'bright red' in the last line, I don't think it really adds anything.
all-in-all pretty good I think. Feel free to take my criticism with a grain of salt, it's all my personal opinion and I haven't been writing for all that long either