Tardive Dyskinesia

[wasellajam]

Hi, excellent edit.

Tardive Dyskinesia  - Version 2 05/02/26

Locked in
a secure ward, 
a medicated occupant Really like this break and and comma, works well.
tilts his head back
to compensate for eyeballs 
rolling up into a vacant skull. Great image.
    Drool 
           drips 
     down                     An instance where this layout really adds , the offset drips slows the line down appropriately
from a gaping mouth
until a nurse arrives.     You lose some of the  nonchalance of "comes along" but I think it's worth it for the lead up to action.
to realign the cranium
toward the dinner plate.

I can't sit
with the others  Yes
-- it upsets them

 
Tardive Dyskinesia

Locked in
a secure ward a medicated occupant
tilts his head back
to compensate for eyeballs rolling
up into a vacant skull.
Mouth begins to gape and drool
drips down disgustingly
until a nurse comes along
to realign the cranium
towards the dinner plate.

I can't sit
with the other patients
-- it upsets them 

I'm so glad you posted this, the time you spent on the edit was well worth it and the subject, while difficult to write about, is most likely in the forefront for anyone using the current medical system, or should be. Well done!