Battle to the Depths (edit of Community)

[wasellajam]

Hello was ella-

the poisoned planks
are bound to leach their chemicals
and taint surrounding soil. an environmental statement

A gracious inland family
.... low-mown paths
are spigots wrapped with coiled hose. This stanza paints an interesting picture and carries on to the next stanza


Organic veggies grown to skip
exposure to contaminants
will never cause much difference,
just doing the best with what we've got. So now we arrive at your counterpoint to the poisoned planks you started with.

You seem to take the long around to your conclusion, and while it's picturesque enough, for me it doesn't lay down that hammer at the end; to draw the contrast I think you're looking to convey. I certainly appreciate the idea behind this poem. I guess I'm just looking for more POWER TO THE PEOPLE; more of the struggle it takes to gain balance against toxic exposure to food sources.

I hope my comments are of use to you,
Mark

Mark! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment. So more about the damage, a stronger end. Do you think it's best to leave the picturesque stuff and add or trim the middle down?