Stars are brighter in the dark

[whisperer]

I gave this path my steps, my time, my days
with books and prayers. The signs seen everywhere. 
A cosmic dance in time and beat aligned,
yet songs were not created to repeat.
They slowly fade to shadows of their past.
The lights then dimmed, the sweetest sounds grew still.
I felt a tug to earth, a spiral down, 
and looking up while silence made a sound.


I sat and stared. The monsters stared back too.
Their eyes reflected deeper truths to me.
The air is thinner on those lofty plains
with feelings which are limited and fake.
I'm left to pick up pieces heaven let go
that fell like quiet rain. I'm soaked again.
I'll take these times of quiet rage rehearsed 
to blaze a darker path concealed from all.

I thought i had this creature crucified 
It hid from me with venom in it's eyes.
Their words fell sweeter than a summer breeze
but really blew like barren winter gales 
They told me to be grateful. Raise my vibe.
Instead of drowning in these murky tides.
It wraps me like a blanket worn and old.
I hide from you, but not this inner cold. 



*This was written more for meter practice, but I tried to convey a deeply personal message as well

[rowens]

I gave this path my steps, my time, my days
with books and prayers. The signs seen everywhere. 
A cosmic dance in time and beat aligned,

fine so far. Maybe end the sentence with aligned

yet songs were not created to repeat.

and change were to are


They slowly fade to shadows of their past.

semicolon; and slowly darken shadows of a past

The lights then dimmed, the sweetest sounds grew still.
I felt a tug to earth, a spiral down, 
and looking up while silence made a sound.


I sat and stared. The monsters stared back too.
Their eyes reflected deeper truths to me.
The air is thinner on those lofty plains
with feelings which are limited and fake.
I'm left to pick up pieces heaven let go
that fell like quiet rain. I'm soaked again.
I'll take these times of quiet rage rehearsed 
to blaze a darker path concealed from all.

I thought i had this creature crucified 
It hid from me with venom in it's eyes.
Their words fell sweeter than a summer breeze
but really blew like barren winter gales 
They told me to be grateful. Raise my vibe.
Instead of drowning in these murky tides.
It wraps me like a blanket worn and old.
I hide from you, but not this inner cold. 



To slow down and get sneaky and atypically flowing while not necessarily being strange. 

[whisperer]

Interesting take on this. Let me play around with this and see what I c an come up with. Thank you for taking the time to read this and leave a review. Much appreciated.

[David_Kaine]

I gave this path my steps, my time, my days
with books and prayers. The signs seen everywhere. 
A cosmic dance in time and beat aligned, (this line confuses me, time and beat)
yet songs were not created to repeat.
They slowly fade to shadows of their past.
The lights then dimmed, the sweetest sounds grew still.
I felt a tug to earth, a spiral down, 
and looking up while silence made a sound.(I like how the last two lines rhyme but not the rest, it could be subtle if the last stanza didnt use so much of it.)


I sat and stared. The monsters stared back too.
Their eyes reflected deeper truths to me.
The air is thinner on those lofty plains
with feelings which are limited and fake.
I'm left to pick up pieces heaven let go
im LEFT to PICK up PIEces HEAven let GO (this is the only spot my meter reader tripped)
that fell like quiet rain. I'm soaked again.
I'll take these times of quiet rage rehearsed (relatable)
to blaze a darker path concealed from all.

I thought i had this creature crucified 
It hid from me with venom in it's eyes.
Their words fell sweeter than a summer breeze
but really blew like barren winter gales 
They told me to be grateful. Raise my vibe. (Raise my vibe fits the meter but comes abruptly, almost out of place)
Instead of drowning in these murky tides.
It wraps me like a blanket worn and old.
I hide from you, but not this inner cold. (Did you intend to make this last stanza have slant end rhymes but not the other stanzas?)

As a different kind of practice I suggest writing this out as a paragraph and seeing if you can connect the longer sentences more effectively.  Line breaks are important but sometimes get in the way.

*This was written more for meter practice, but I tried to convey a deeply personal message as well

Im not sure i understood the message but I like your descriptive word choices, I wish I could be more helpful.  Thats probably a good thing

[milo]

I gave this path my steps, my time, my days
with books and prayers. The signs seen everywhere. 
A cosmic dance in time and beat aligned,
yet songs were not created to repeat.
They slowly fade to shadows of their past.
The lights then dimmed, the sweetest sounds grew still.
I felt a tug to earth, a spiral down, 
and looking up while silence made a sound.


I sat and stared. The monsters stared back too.
Their eyes reflected deeper truths to me.
The air is thinner on those lofty plains
with feelings which are limited and fake.
I'm left to pick up pieces heaven let go
that fell like quiet rain. I'm soaked again.
I'll take these times of quiet rage rehearsed 
to blaze a darker path concealed from all.

I thought i had this creature crucified 
It hid from me with venom in it's eyes.
Their words fell sweeter than a summer breeze
but really blew like barren winter gales 
They told me to be grateful. Raise my vibe.
Instead of drowning in these murky tides.
It wraps me like a blanket worn and old.
I hide from you, but not this inner cold. 



*This was written more for meter practice, but I tried to convey a deeply personal message as well

This is a pretty excellent example of blank verse.  Somebody already called out your one anapestic substitution but other than that, meter is spot on.  The metaphor is pretty well-drawn, there is plenty of imagery, it stays on a pretty consistent course, I would argue there is a "turn" as well. Line breaks are all pretty good.

I am going to have to think pretty long and hard to come up with any way and maybe there is no point - it may be at a point where it says what you want how you want in an effective way.  Let me know if there were any particular spost you were looking for feedback on and I can try to go in that direction but, to me, this looks pretty much complete.

Thanks

[wasellajam]

I gave this path my steps, my time, my days
with books and prayers. The signs seen everywhere. 
A cosmic dance in time and beat aligned,
yet songs were not created to repeat.
They slowly fade to shadows of their past.
The lights then dimmed, the sweetest sounds grew still.
I felt a tug to earth, a spiral down, 
and looking up while silence made a sound.


I sat and stared. The monsters stared back too.
Their eyes reflected deeper truths to me.
The air is thinner on those lofty plains
with feelings which are limited and fake.
I'm left to pick up pieces heaven let go
that fell like quiet rain. I'm soaked again.
I'll take these times of quiet rage rehearsed 
to blaze a darker path concealed from all.

I thought i had this creature crucified 
It hid from me with venom in it's eyes.
Their words fell sweeter than a summer breeze
but really blew like barren winter gales 
They told me to be grateful. Raise my vibe.
Instead of drowning in these murky tides.
It wraps me like a blanket worn and old.
I hide from you, but not this inner cold. 



*This was written more for meter practice, but I tried to convey a deeply personal message as well

Hi, Whisperer, one line stops me each time and makes me lose confidence in what is otherwise a strong, coherent poem.
yet songs were not cr
"yet songs were not created to repeat."

This is exactly why songs were created, to be repeated, to tell a story in a way people would remember and pass on. Are you meaning this line in some other way that I am missing?

Aside from this I think you managed to pull off a poem about a subject that most don't describe so clearly. Thanks for posting.

This is exactly why cated to repeat.