Sea Swallow Me (Tw;slight violence)

[Pebbel~Lady]

Hi, this poem seems more like a thought that gets repeated. The first three lines are a fair opening, they set the scene that the narrator wishes to die in the sea. But that just gets reinforced throughout the rest of the poem. The reader needs more to grasp hold of here, I have lots of questions and no answers. It's hard to empathise with a narrator that has said nothing about themselves except that they want to die.

Sorry if this seems harsh

Sea swallow me,
drag me under 
your cold ferocious waves. and cold.  - 'ferocious' is a good word choice it sounds like a wild sea

Take it from here and expand

I didn't really think of the repetitiveness like that until now! it's definitely something that I need to tweak a little bit; thank you for the feedback. It'll definitely help me in regards to re-writing and editing it. I need to make it less repetitive and emphasize a little more on the emotions of the "person" talking.

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Sea swallow me,
drag me under the waves,
ferocious and cold.   …. adjectives are best avoided. These are also cliched

Otherwise, nice start 

Sea swallow me whole,
thrash me against the rocks
and cut my skin. ….. thrashing against the rocks does more than cut skin…this feels out of place 
Drag me down and consume my lungs
with your salty waters … nice. Salt water does eat away at things 

Sea hold me,
sting my eyes and wipe them clean
cradle and caress me before you let go

Sea,
draw out the chill in my bones, … ‘chill in my bones’ is cliche
gouge out my gut 
and rip me in half if you must … at this point it’s just becoming a list

Sea let go
you can't hold me so
I can't warm your vast waters
you only yell
and I can only listen …. This bit isn’t related to anything that came before. The sea yelling and the poet listening is unrelated to how it gouges the narrator’s stomach and thrashes him against the rocks  

Sea swallow me,
drown me, 
take me down.

Let me go.

There’s a good start, but no development of the same basic idea. Perhaps something to consider for a revision.

Thank you for your feedback! I definitely agree with a lot of your points, especially Once I step back a little bit. I can see how repetitive it is, how it becomes a list, and how there is no real development, all great points you've made. Although something being cliche doesn't automatically make it bad! I would also like to hear more about your opinion on stanza 5, though, as I found that comment the most interesting.