Routes and Regrets
#11
This poem for me is a little too literal to start. Maybe I am wrong but there doesn't seem to be much reason for me to feel what the subject of the poem feels either. "Shutting his phone frustrated" is as close as we get. Maybe there is another way we can show the reader he is frustrated? White knuckled, revving engine, etc.. if the car is an extension of himself then maybe put the car in a more transparently parallel predicament.
"Could he leave?" Could be stronger, again its very literal.
I really like the last stanza.
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Messages In This Thread
Pile Up - by Bunx - 08-16-2015, 04:02 AM
RE: Routes and Regrets - by Bunx - 08-19-2024, 06:08 AM
RE: Pile Up - by Bunx - 08-17-2015, 11:08 PM
RE: Pile Up - by John - 08-18-2015, 04:19 AM
RE: Pile Up - by peacejazzspirit - 08-18-2015, 12:18 PM
RE: Pile Up - by joesammsington - 08-19-2015, 11:10 AM
RE: Pile Up - by HardScotch - 08-19-2015, 11:53 AM
RE: Pile Up - by BrokenSoul - 08-22-2015, 01:20 AM
RE: Pile Up - by Bunx - 08-22-2015, 01:57 AM
RE: Pile Up - by QDeathstar - 08-25-2015, 12:41 AM
Routes and Regrets - by Bunx - 08-15-2024, 04:15 AM
RE: Routes and Regrets - by SpruceMoose - 08-17-2024, 11:00 PM
RE: Routes and Regrets - by Bunx - 08-18-2024, 07:15 AM
RE: Routes and Regrets - by Quixilated - 08-18-2024, 10:49 AM
RE: Routes and Regrets - by Bunx - 08-18-2024, 11:04 AM
RE: Routes and Regrets - by Quixilated - 08-18-2024, 11:11 AM



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