01-09-2024, 11:45 PM
Hi CRNDLSM
Thank you so much knot! I've been under a dry spell.
You and me both.
I am going to rework this one because I actually am proud of it for itself
Pleased to hear that. It's certainly deserving of attention.
I cheated by repeating an extra line within each sonnet for the couplet at the end,
Well, you know what they say about cheats?
(I think it's a negative, given all the sonnets are perspectives on the same subject you already run the risk of sounding repetitious, the last thing you need is such explicit repeats.)
and the limericky feel has a chistmasy tone to it,
Agreed (and who doesn't like a limerick?) it just seemed like a hurdle on top of a whole heap (or should that be crown?) of other hurdles.
I tried to work each prompt into each sonnet and on reworking I can edit that stuff out as unrelated to the overall crown attempt. Hopefully the sonnets got better as they went.
To be honest I found the latter ones a bit confusing (and they felt rushed), but then I didn't know about the original prompts so probably missed quite a bit because of that. I could see patterns and themes throughout though and wondered if, in the edit, they might be re-arranged for greater clarity? For instance I thought the line But is it too early to switch to beer? from sonnet 2 would have made for a much stronger ending to sonnet 1. (Similarly gathering all the 'daughter' sections together.)
Stick with it.
Best, Knot
PS I'd give serious thought to losing the opening question (I was never sure who you were addressing.)
.
Thank you so much knot! I've been under a dry spell.
You and me both.
I am going to rework this one because I actually am proud of it for itself
Pleased to hear that. It's certainly deserving of attention.
I cheated by repeating an extra line within each sonnet for the couplet at the end,
Well, you know what they say about cheats?
(I think it's a negative, given all the sonnets are perspectives on the same subject you already run the risk of sounding repetitious, the last thing you need is such explicit repeats.)
and the limericky feel has a chistmasy tone to it,
Agreed (and who doesn't like a limerick?) it just seemed like a hurdle on top of a whole heap (or should that be crown?) of other hurdles.
I tried to work each prompt into each sonnet and on reworking I can edit that stuff out as unrelated to the overall crown attempt. Hopefully the sonnets got better as they went.
To be honest I found the latter ones a bit confusing (and they felt rushed), but then I didn't know about the original prompts so probably missed quite a bit because of that. I could see patterns and themes throughout though and wondered if, in the edit, they might be re-arranged for greater clarity? For instance I thought the line But is it too early to switch to beer? from sonnet 2 would have made for a much stronger ending to sonnet 1. (Similarly gathering all the 'daughter' sections together.)
Stick with it.
Best, Knot
PS I'd give serious thought to losing the opening question (I was never sure who you were addressing.)
.